i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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