If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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