This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
