my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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