I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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