I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize