There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
