College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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