Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
