he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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