So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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