I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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