cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
