my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
