I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
