After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
