Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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