I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
