theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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