Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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