I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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