Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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