i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
