matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
