You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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