marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
