On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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