what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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