the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
