P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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