I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
