First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize