3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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