we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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