you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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