Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wear drunk well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
