Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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