Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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