oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
