I wannas sexs uuuuu
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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