people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize