Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
