I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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