8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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