I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
