we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
