Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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