Me too!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
