Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
