I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
