it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
