my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
