Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
