He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
