Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize