Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
