so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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