if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
