You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
