He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
