the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
