I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
