everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
