This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
