The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
