just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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